If it wasn't so funny I'd be crying. Right now I'm back to shaking my head in resigned disgust.

Wow. I've come full circle. Thanks a lot. I'm back to my normal cynical near-misogynist self. Now I know why friars are really touchy about sex.

Are you all like this? Steadfast only in your intransigence; very willing to send people to limbo? There's only so much BS a man can take and I'm at this point where I'm almost fed up.

I know what'll happen after this. And I'm simply. too. old. to be taking this high school crap.

A million places I can be, a million better things I could be doing. And here I am still slaving away in a rival company while helping your company make its books at wage-slave rates.

I did this to be close to you but not so that everyone tiptoes around me and not so that you jump like a frightened mouse at every sound and movement I make.

I promised not to talk about it while we're all working on this thing and I'm sorry. But I'm tired of being sorry and I am more tired of being your personal Herod. I'm not even trying to stalk you. God. JeezasBuddhaandKrsna. I might as well give it the old college try considering the levels of paranoia I'm feeling off of you.

Do you realize how ridiculous you look, running away from every sound that resembles the scuffle of my shoes? Tripping over yourself in mid-stride because you suddenly see me? Do you know how stupid it looks, our playing pass-the-message in the office, that we keep talking to everyone except each other?

No, you don't. And you never will until the knowledge is practically useless to either of us. When your fear has driven you into the arms of someone else...with a different set of hangups that you have to live with.

You've won. I've humiliated myself for six months, telling people what a rat I was. My tear ducts aren't producing anymore goddamnit.

You're my life. I don't want to do this anymore: to be hung up on you while someone else is hung up on me. To finally give in and care about her and then find out she's tired of the experiment. Again.

You don't love me. Fine. You've convinced me.

If things don't normalize between us by the end of this project then I'll likely be gone. 'swhat you want, right?

And I won't seek it or you out any more. And I'll do what I've always done: carry all the fucking regret.